Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
