Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
