The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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