she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
