and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
vagina is talking i cant
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
