mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
