My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
