Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
