we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
