1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
