I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
