Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
