He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
