One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
