Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
