So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
