I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
