she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
