I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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