its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
