I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
