Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
