ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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