i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
FUCK WHALES
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i out mim tonsoeep
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