Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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