every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
