I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
