Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
