I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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