saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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