the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
