Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
