I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
