So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
