A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He felt like a one man threesome
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
