I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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