I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
