im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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