Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
