the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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