im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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