But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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