My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
