So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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