I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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