sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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