she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
