I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
