If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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