Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
