i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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