I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
