It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
