Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
