i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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