wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
