WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
